HONY Part 7
“I made the mistake of googling him. When we decided to do this story, I looked him up, to see what happened when he got out of jail. And I discovered some cutesy newspaper article about his 25th wedding anniversary. There was a picture there. And I wish I’d never seen it. Because for my entire life he’d been this monster in my mind. And he didn’t look like a monster at all. There weren’t any horns. There was no tattoo across his forehead that said: ‘I’m a child abuser.’ He looked like a human. Bald and fat, like any guy in the grocery store. He wasn’t marked by what happened. Not like Gene is marked.
I’d always wanted to believe that when our world stopped, his did too. I wanted him to be racked with self-hatred, and spiral into a drug addiction. But he went on to have a life. He only spent a year in prison. Then he got married, and had three kids. Maybe it wasn’t the greatest life-- the photo looked like it was taken in the community center of a trailer park. But still, it was a life. He experienced things that Gene is never going to experience. And that’s not fair. Sure, in the end it’s a feel-good story. Gene turned out to be an amazing person. Gene graduated from high school. But that’s because of Gene—not this asshole. I won’t say his name. I’ve known it for 50 years, but I’m not going to say it. That much grace I can give. I won’t destroy his family, not like he destroyed mine. But I’m not forgiving him. Gene can forgive him, but not me. And I hope God doesn’t forgive him either. I hope he burns in hell. Because if the legal system forgives him, and Gene forgives him, and God forgives him-- then what’s left? There has to be someplace in the universe where he’s still held accountable. So that it still happened. Fifty years ago, that monster attacked a little baby. I was just a baby. And Gene sacrificed himself to save my life. I’ve gone on to be blessed beyond all measure. I’ve had a career, and a family, and children. Things that Gene will never be able to experience. So maybe it’s the least I can do. Maybe the least I can do is carry that anger. And never forgive. So that I’m still afflicted in some way. So he’s not the only one still hurt.”
